Are you taking a pause before you react or respond?

Several years ago I met with a friend over drinks at a coffee spot in town.

It was a normal Texas day with the sun shining bright and the humidity riding heavy.

She grabbed her bottle of water, I grabbed my iced vanilla chai tea, and we headed towards a private little table outside to catch up on all things life.

We had been friends for many years so this was not our first time together, however, due to different life stages, we had not had much one-on-one time in quite a while.

As we started chit chatting and sharing what life season we were currently in, I began to feel a shift in the air.

Nothing major and nothing deeply concerning, but I definitely began to sense a stress and a strain mingled with her words.

And then it happened.

You know, that dreadful pause that happens when someone is fighting whether or not to say something.

Something, that in their mind, could make or break the friendship.

Something, that could literally cause the end of an era or the beginning of something greater.

In that moment, she chose to continue and I sat back and listened as she confided in me of how I had hurt her feelings many years before.

She couldn't remember exactly what I had said to hurt her, only that during a past get-together, I had made a comment that left a painful mark.

As she continued to share, I felt the prickle and heat of defensiveness begin to rise within me.

I started to get angry at the fact that she was just now brining up something that had happened so long ago.

So long ago that I didn't know how I could possibly defend myself or even counter what she was saying.

Although this thing that I had apparently said or done, had happened way back when, I at least knew that I hadn't done or said anything to intentionally hurt her.

While my first thought was to start distancing myself from her in the future, out of fear that she would take everything that I say or do the wrong way, the next thought was the one that really surprised me.

Even as she was talking, my heart cried out to the Lord and I began to pray.

I asked the Lord to help me listen to her, to really hear her out.

I asked the Lord to show me what to do and what to say to her.

I asked the Lord to help me love her even thought I felt attacked, and He answered those prayers with the quickness of a toddler running to a sandpit or me running to a donut.

Well, I don't eat donuts so often anymore but still, I used to be pretty speedy when getting to one.

Anyway, those prayers for help were answered with a strong sense of love towards her, and an overwhelming sense of peace.

I felt my soul get flooded with questions that only the Holy Spirit could ask with such tenderness.

He asked me "Do you love her?"

I said "Yes, I absolutely do."

He asked me "Have you ever sinned?"

I said "Yes, you know that I have many times over."

He asked me "Have you felt hurt or pain from words or actions that may not have been intended to cause such?"

I said "Yes, I believe so."

He then asked me "And do you desire healing and reconciliation more than you desire to feel right or be justified?"

Ouch, that one really really stung.

I finally said, "Ok Lord, please forgive me. Yes, I see now what is needed here."

All of those questions happened in what felt like seconds but even while she was still sharing, I remembered how she had been nothing but a blessing to me and my family more times than I could count.

I thought of the bravery that it took for her to come to me with something so difficult.

I thought of how hard it must of been for her to be holding onto such hurt for so many years, and it saddened me.

Well, to fast forward this story, I will end by letting you know that I apologized to her and asked for her forgiveness.

The friendship has grown so much deeper since then and I learned a very valuable lesson that day that has become a habit for me now.

While I still struggle at times to remember to pause before reacting, when I do it, I am always blessed.

People will sin against us whether they mean to or not, and we will sin against others too whether we mean to or not.

At the end of the day, our goal should always be for spiritual maturity, personal growth and reconciliation or healing where ever brokenness looks to find a new home in our hearts.

It doesn't matter what is going on.

It could be a hurtful comment or action from our husband, a child, a friend, a co-worker or just some random person.

We will always be faced with hearing and being the recipient of hard things.

When those times come, we have to know whether it is more important to be justified and feel right, or be God honoring and forgiving.

It's not easy, but pausing, to get to the right response can produce great fruit for many years to come.

When you choose to pause and ask the Lord for help in how you respond, you absolutely will be able to look back and say that it was worth it.

By God, it was worth it.